


Lethologica

by nanaprincess91



Series: Island Bonds [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Family Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 16:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19177516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanaprincess91/pseuds/nanaprincess91
Summary: She doesn’t remember who lived in the empty room in the house, but she knows her heart aches at the empty space in her heart. And no one believes that something is missing.A one-shot with  multiple snapshots about Sora’s parents, through his mother’s eyes set during the year between Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories and Kingdom Hearts II when no one could remember Sora.





	Lethologica

**Author's Note:**

> Lethologica: (noun) the inability to remember a particular word or name.
> 
> CW/TW: Building anxiety, mentions of suicidal ideation, minor character death, Semi-graphic description of drowning
> 
> We don't hear too much about Sora's parents so I wanted to explore what it must be like to be a parent, to be surrounded by reminders you have a child, and yet not remember them at all and no one remember them either. It's not a happy story until the end, but thought it was an important one to explore. Enjoy!

Destiny Islands had always been a sleepy place, not a lot of action. Sure, there were those few months that nobody seemed to remember, after the dark storm that had hit nearly a year ago, but other than that, things ran smoothly. At least, it had until one afternoon. It was a quiet Saturday, spent cooking ham and rice for breakfast with her husband, Haruto.

His blue eyes danced mischievously in the morning light and he went to push back his dark brown hair, but there was not much to move. She had asked him to get his haircut after it had started growing in its telltale spikes near the front and now it sat, short and cropped.

Suzume had been setting the table.

_One-_ she counted as she set the checkered placemats on the table. _Two, and three._

“Table is ready,” Suzume called stretching her arms outward with a grin. She looked out the window towards the ocean the rest of the town. The ocean around Destiny Islands glittered in the morning sun, the warm tones of the buildings reflecting the gorgeous weather.

“Wonderful,” Haruto replied, bringing the pan with breakfast over. “Time to eat. Is someone joining us?”

Suzume stopped. “No. Why?”

“You set three places.”

Suzume looked back at the table. Sure enough, there were three places set at the table. They only needed two. Strange- She wasn’t sure why she had gone to set three, like a second instinct.

“You have your head in the clouds again, Suzume,” her husband said with a laugh.

She elbowed him in the side, rolling her eyes, still smiling and put the dishes away. “Whatever you say.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was a week later that Suzume was wandering around the house, looking for a misplaced earring that she stumbled upon the door. She wasn’t sure how she had never noticed the unused room at the end of the hallway on the opposite side of the house. Their house wasn’t particularly large and stood, like many houses on the island, on a single story, but there it was, a wooden door with a crown carved onto the top.

_It must be a storage room._

She pushed the door open, her heart beating fast.

Inside was a small, but clean room with a single bed by a window overlooking the town. But despite it being clean, it felt alive. Suzume’s breath caught as she walked inside. She had never been inside this room, but it had been kept clean: meticulously clean, the way she liked it. Toy wooden boats hung by strings from the ceiling, little dolls keeping manning the helms. The far wall was covered in papers of all sorts.

Suzume approached. Drawings. Dozens of them, not very good, but clearly made by a child at different ages. Most showed three figures, one with red hair and blue eyes, one with white hair and green eyes who looked suspiciously like Hanna Miyano’s youngest son Riku, and the other brown hair in large spikes and blue eyes. There were colorful stick figures everywhere, the play island, boats, a lion.

Her breath hitched as it landed on one drawing in the center, looking like something made by a very young child. Three stick figures. One clearly her with her tan skin, long brown hair pulled back in a ponytail and a yellow dress, the one on the other side Haruto, brown hair, blue eyes. And in the center, a small figure: the same brown hair in spikes, tan skin like hers, holding hands. At the top, in a messy scribble of crayon was written “Mai famili.”

Suzume felt ice run through her veins. A prank. A sick prank. Whoever was doing this-

_Haruto_ , she thought in a cold rage.

Their pranks had always been what she loved about their relationship, but this- this was going too far.

“HARUTO!” Her voice was high with anger.

She heard his footsteps echo through the house as he ran over. “Suz, what’s-”

He stopped suddenly at the door.

“Is this your idea of a joke?” Suzume interrupted in a fury, ripping the drawing from the wall and storming over to him.

But then she saw his face. Haruto’s eyes were wide, darting to every angle of the room. His mouth hung wide open and when his eyes fell on the drawing in Suzume’s hand, he looked even more surprised.

“You didn’t do this,” Suzume whispered.

He shook his head in a daze. “No,” he said just as softly.

And then he took the paper from her hand, inspecting it. Suzume watched his eyes dance through all the details before his eyebrows furrowed and he met her gaze.

“It’s us.”

“Yes.”

“But then…” He looked down again. “Who’s that?”

Suzume found she had a hard time swallowing. “I don’t know.” She walked around to stand by Haruto’s side and looked at the drawing again. At the corner seemed to be a name, but when she tried to read it, she found her eyesight got blurry.

“Do you see that?” She pointed at it. “What does it say?”

Haruto squinted. “I can’t tell.”

Suzume huffed and walked over to another drawing. Another signature. And again, her eyesight blurred. Again and again and-

“There’s a photograph!”

Suzume raced over to the dresser where her husband held a photo frame, but he had let out a curse.

“What’s wrong?”

He held up the photograph. Suzume could see herself in a bathing suit at one of the beaches, Haruto hugging her from behind. A simple photograph, a nice one she didn’t remember taking, but, still, a lovely one of the couple. But when she turned to look back at Haruto to ask what was wrong, she saw it; if she looked out of the corner of her eye, she saw a splash of color in front of her, all swirled it was unrecognizable as a person, just like a wormhole of color. But it was there.

When Suzume looked at the photo again, it was gone. Side-eyed, she could see the swirl.

“You see it?”

“I see it,” she said before turning back to him. “But what is this?” She let out a laugh. “I think I’d remember if I had, if _we_ had a…”

The word got caught in her throat and her eyes burned.

_Say it. Say the word._

“I think I’d remember if we had a son.”

“A son,” Haruto repeated. He looked around. “Or someone could be pranking us.”

Suzume looked around the room. “It’d...it’d be a really good prank.” She gave a nervous laugh. “Could be Oline. She’s always looking for ways to give us a heart attack.”

“Yeah,” Haruto said with a laugh. “You should tell her to cut it out.”

Suzume smiled unconvincingly. “Yeah.”

_Oline can’t make photographs disappear. She can’t make us not see the names._

She looked up at Haruto who was gripping the photograph tightly in his hand, looking at it out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah...a prank,” Haruto repeated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

That night, Suzume dreamt of being in a rocking chair outside, rocking a small bundle who wouldn’t stop crying, but as she sang to him, the crying slowly turned to cooing. She dreamt of singing the same song years later to stop nightmares, arguments about cleaning up clothes off the floor, a voice yelling “Mom, where's my sword?”

And laughter, so much laughter around the house. A face, she remembered a-

When she woke up, she couldn’t remember the details. She just knew her heart felt emptier and the pain- the pain was unbearable. She knew there was laughter; she couldn’t remember what his sounded like.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“This can’t be real.”

Suzume looked up from the cup of rum cradled between her fingers at Haruto who looked at his own glass, shaking his head.

He took a long swig.

“It just can’t be.”

Suzume wanted to agree, wanted to pretend that everything was alright, but there was an ache in her heart now and a frustration, a name on the tip of her tongue, a face at the edges of her memory which wouldn’t come to her.

“It’s not that crazy...There are months that we can’t remember.”

“Yes, Suzume. _Months_ . Not _years_.“

“Look,” she looked up at him defiantly. “You think I’m not scared. I am scared, Haruto. I’m terrified. There are strange things that happened. Maybe others felt it too. Maybe they can help us.”

“What if they can’t?”

She gulped down the rest of her drink and slammed the glass down on the table. “Someone’s got to know.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Irino. We can’t help you.”

Suzume gave the man at the school’s front desk a glare. She had waited two weeks for the school to reopen and she was tired of waiting. She needed answers.

“You're in charge of the files, right? Then find a file.”

“I told you; there's no Irino listed.”

“Then he has a different last name. Look, he’s got brown hair, blue eyes-”

“We can search by birthday or name. If you give me that, I can see if I can connect you to him.”

She wracked her brain but the name and birthday were a blank. Everything was _blank_.  She gripped her purse, “I don't remember.”

“Then how do I know you're who you say you are. You could be a stranger who-”

“I'm not! He went here!”

“Who?” the man said through gritted teeth, eye twitching.

Suzume let out a desperate growl, bowing her head “I. Don't. Know.” She pulled the shirt out of her bag, leaving the uniform pants inside. “But it's his! He went here!” She shook the shirt, showing the little logo, “See. It’s from here.”

“Anyone can buy a uniform.”

Suzume slammed her fists on the desk. “Dammit! I'm his mother! Not a stalker!”

“Whose?”

Suzume let out a barely stifled cry, her throat tight as she yelled back, “I don't know! That's why I need your help.”

The young man's face became stony as stood up. “We’re going to need you to leave the premises.”

“Please...please you've got to help me find him.”

“Ma'am-”

He was interrupted by a bell ringing. Suddenly, the sound of loud laughter, footsteps, the cacophony of teenagers let loose, filling the space behind her. Suzume turned to see dozens of middle schoolers in the standard white collared shirt, green skirts or pants, and loose ties. They matched the one in her hands. He had to be here.

Suzume felt her breath catch as a pair of girls walked by.

One of them was talking loudly though she couldn’t hear about what. She skipped down the hall, brown hair curled outward. But it was the girl next to her that caught her attention: short, red hair, blue eyes, giggling into her hand. Her mind flashed to the drawings on the wall.

_Kairi. Kairi and Riku_.

She didn’t know where the girl’s name came from, but she knew it to be true. The girl must know something.

With the shouts of the desk assistant behind her, she raced into the school.

“Kairi!” Suzume called out running after the girl.

Both girls stopped and Kairi turned.

“Mrs. Irino,” Kairi said. “Good morning.”

Suzume’s eyes lit up. “You know me.”

Kairi paused, then looked at her friend with furrowed eyebrows. “I….no. I’m sorry. I don’t think we’ve met. Maybe my parents have mentioned you.”

Something in Kairi remembered her; Suzume knew it but it wasn’t a battle Suzume would fight now. It didn’t matter; only one thing did.

“You’re friends with my son.” She brought her hands together. “He’s missing and I need your help.”

Kairi’s eyes widened. “What’s his name?”

“I…..he’s got brown hair and blue eyes...spiky hair. He always hung out with you and Riku.”

There was a crowd gathering around them now and Kairi looked around at them nervously.

“I...I’m sorry,” Kairi said quietly. “It was always just me and Riku.”

Suzume shook her head. “No, I’m sure you do. Please, think harder.. You two were friends. I know it. He drew you three in the play island a lot. He liked boating and swords.”

Kairi’s friend took a step forward, placing herself between Suzume and Kairi protectively.

“Sounds like every boy when they were kids,” said the girl suspiciously.

“Selphie!” Kairi called out, pulling at her arm. “It’s okay.”

No. No.

_She has to remember. Kairi and Riku. They’ve got to remember_.

“Maybe Riku-”

“Riku,” the brown-haired girl...Selphie intervened, “has been missing for almost a year since the storm. Or don’t you read the papers.”

She wrapped an arm around Kairi who was now looking at the ground, a sad look in her eye.

Suzume’s face blanched. She had forgotten about that; how could she have forgotten about that? His parents were worried sick, but were certain he was out there somewhere. They insisted the boy had talked about going on adventures on a raft; maybe he had gone on one is what they always said, but Suzume couldn’t help but think the boy had perished in the terrible storm. The idea sat heavy in her stomach like a stone. She had watched Riku grow up while visiting the Miyanos and now, he was missing...Which meant another lead to her son was gone. She hated thinking like that- A family was in denial and here she was focused on this figure who evaded her recollection.

_Kairi’s my only clue..._

“Please….”

Suzume heard footsteps approach and felt a hand wrap around her arm and pull her back.

“You have to leave ma’am,” a deeper voice said.

“Kairi,” Suzume called out desperately as she was pulled away. “Kairi please! He loved to laugh. He had blue eyes. His hair was spiky and brown.” It was all she had, all she could pull from the drawings. “Please!”

Kairi clung to Selphie’s hand and gave Suzume a concerned yet pitying look. “I’m sorry. I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They told her she was lucky that she had only been pulled away and wasn’t being fined or investigated. They just told her to stay away from the schools or else they’d have to take more serious action.

“My son is missing. Help me find him.”

The people at the station, all familiar faces, looked at her blankly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“What were you thinking, Suzume?!” Haruto yelled, running a hand through his short hair.

“He has a uniform from there. And I saw the girl from the drawings! Her name’s Kairi. We’ve never met her; she’s never been in the house that I recall, but I know her!” Suzume stood up, a shaky smile on her face. “I knew her, Haruto, because of _him_.”

“Everyone knows that girl, Suzume!” Haruto yelled, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose in a sure sign that a headache was starting. “She’s the mayor’s daughter! The one who was found on the beach as a child!”

Suzume paused.

_That’s right...She was found on the beach..._

She had been adopted by the young mayor and her husband after the girl had shown no signs of regaining her memory and no family came to claim her. No one was sure how she had ended up at that beach...but even that story sounded more familiar. She could hear it: a voice she couldn’t remember yelling about a girl on the sand. Crying. Calling out for Suzume to help.

“Who found her?”

Haruto scrunched his eyes. “What does it matter?”

_It’s everything._

She knew at that second it had been the boy, her son.

Suzume shook her head, pacing. “It was him. He found her. It was _him_ , Haruto! She’s connected to him.” She raced back to the room.

“Suzume!”

She grabbed another few drawings from the board and rushed back.

“Look at this!”

She placed one after the other on the table, showing a girl in each one with red hair and blue eyes. The outfit and hair length changed, but it was the same girl, over and over. In one of the drawings, Riku was even absent; just the boy and Kairi sitting on a raft.

“He liked her,” Suzume realized. “Haruto…”

Haruto shook his head. “You can't just go scaring people, Suz. What if next time they throw you in jail?”

Suzume bristled. “Well, at least I can say I'm doing something to help find him.”

She stormed off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Suzume went to bed early, but stayed up with her eyes closed. She hoped she'd dream of him again like she had for the last three weeks. There had been a feeling that had felt right when she had dreamt of him, like she had found her place, and she was willing to face the morning pain and tears if it meant feeling that way. Maybe the dreams would stay with her the next morning and then she'd have proof. Or a lead. They'd have something.

She felt when Haruto entered the bed and turned to face her back..

“Suzume…” Haruto started.

She pretended to be asleep.

_I’m going to find him_.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Are you okay? You’ve been so busy recently.”

Suzume shrugged slightly at her friend’s question, stirring another bit of cream into her coffee. She wondered if he had liked coffee; would she have even let him drink coffee? At this point, she would have. She’d do anything to have him back.

“Suzume?”

She looked up from her cup at the dark skinned woman in front of her with a flower in her curly hair.. “Yes...sorry, Oline. I’ve been so busy…”

“I’m worried about you.”

Worried about her? She wasn’t the one missing, forgotten, gone. But Oline was her oldest friend, schoolyard friends who had played ball and snuck out to parties, and supported each other at their weddings. She was part of the family.

“You remember him, right, Oline?”

“Who?”

“My son.”

“Zume…”

“I'm serious.” Suzume brought out a drawing. “You're my best friend. You know he would've called you auntie. You know he would've grown up at your house too.”

Oline nodded. “Yes, he would have.”

Suzume folded the paper and took a sip from her own glass. “So why can't we remember?”

“Maybe...and I know this is hard to admit...but maybe he doesn't exist.” She spoke the words quietly.

Suzume frowned. “Oline, if he isn't real, then explain how I remember being his mother. I remember being pregnant.”

Oline reached over and took Suzume's hand. “Suzume….you _were_ pregnant. Years ago.” She squeezed her hand gently and continued in a sad voice. “You had a miscarriage late in the pregnancy.”

Suzume shook her head, holding her stomach. “No. I mean yes; I remember that one. But after. My little light. My miracle. I was able to have one.”

Oline shook her head. “No. You weren't…”

Suzume leaned back. “Then explain the room.”

“A coping mechanism. Suzume, all this...you must have done it after the miscarriage.” Oline looked up at her, teary-eyed. “I'm so sorry I didn't realize how much you were hurting.”

Oline squeezed her hand but Suzume snatched it away.

“You're wrong. He existed. He's real.”

“Suzume.”

“I need to keep searching. Thank you for the coffee.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“He’d be 14?...or...15?”

“Last name?”

“Irino.”

“First name?”

“I…don’t know.”

The administrator at the birth records area of the hospital crossed her arms. “Mrs. Irino-”

“Please,” Suzume pleaded, knowing she sounded like a broken record. First the school, now here. “Please just check for me.”

The administrator closed the drawer. “No first name and you don’t know the exact year-”

“I know around how old he is!”

“A mother would know these things. Now please leave before we have to call security.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You know I believe you, Suzume, right?”

Suzume looked up from some of the fishing net she was mending before looking down at the net again, pulling it tight. “Sure you do…”

Haruto frowned. “I do.”

“Then help me. Help me find my son.”

Haruto nodded, sitting next to her and helping her with another piece of the net. “I will.” He turned his head slightly. “He’s my son too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Suzume and Haruto walked towards the door on the two story house, bright yellow flowers blooming in the tree outside the garden.

“This isn’t a good idea,” Haruto muttered, but he stayed by his wife’s side as she moved towards the door.

Suzume shook her head. “We put it off for as long as we could. Two months, Haruto. We need answers.”

She hesitated at the door. What if this _was_ wrong? Could she really do this to someone else?

_It’s for him. Do it for him._

Suzume took a deep breath and raised her fist. The knock echoed softly in the hall and she heard a masculine voice call out a “Coming!”

Haruto tensed beside her.

The door opened to reveal a man with green eyes and light blond hair.

“Hello. Oh! Haruto! Suzume! How are you?”

Haruto smiled, reaching over to give the man a pat on the back.

“Daichi. It’s good to see you. How are you doing?”

Daichi Miyano ushered them into the house. Along the walls were photos of a family of four- Daichi, a pretty woman with silver hair, a boy with blond hair matching his father’s, and then a boy with silver hair.

_Riku. He’s always in the drawings..._

“Come in, come in. We haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yes,” Haruto said, taking a seat on the couch. “We’ve been busy.”

“Fishing anything good?” Daichi said with a laugh.

_Oh, we’re fishing, but not for what you think._

Suzume couldn’t remember how the Miyanos and them had first started talking and that in itself told her all she needed to know. She had met them through her son; it was the only explanation why she couldn’t remember them. But they were friends. Maybe they’d believe her. Their son was connected to Sora and they had the friendship so maybe they’d break through.

Suzume cleared her throat. “Daichi, do you remember how we all became good friends?”

Daichi nodded. “Of course, Hanna and you met first at-”

Suzume held her breath, leaning forward, but Daichi’s voice faded away. He scratched his chin and pursed his lips before he laughed.

“Why, it’s been so long...I can’t remember.”

Suzume slumped forward and their host perked up.

“What’s wrong, Suzume?”

She straightened up again. “Riku always went to the island to play. Yes?”

Daichi’s face fell slightly. “Yes. They went with Tidus and Wakka and Selphie and Kairi of course.” His face lit up, a sad smile on his face, “Riku and Kairi were inseparable. Closer than two pearls in an oyster those two.”

_Yes, they were, but there were three._

“Don’t you remember the third child?”

“Third child?” Daichi said with a frown. “There was no third child.”

Suzume nodded. “Yes, a boy with brown hair...blue eyes. He was always with them.”

At that moment, the door opened and the woman with silver hair walked in.

“I’m home! The market was busier than- Oh! Suzume! Haruto!” She walked over with a big smile and gave them a hug each. “I had no idea you were visiting.”

Suzume nodded. “Hello, Hanna. We were just talking...about the children.”

Hanna stopped and looked over at the family photo. “Yes...I’m sure Riku will come home soon.”

Suzume stood up and placed a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder. Hanna took it and gave it a squeeze, muttering a small piece of gratitude.

“When did he go missing?”

“The storm,” Daichi answered.

Suzume nodded with understanding. It really had been a terrible one; no one could remember what happened for a few months after the storm, but after the locals had awakened, the island had seemed good as new except for a few people who had disappeared. They remembered the dark clouds, the fear, but everything else was a blank. It was very likely that Riku had gone missing then at some point.

“There was a lot of chaos,” Hanna continued. “I’m sure he’s just trying to find a way back. There are so many little islands around here to check…It’s like that man they found on Traxile Island miles away. They’ll turn up.”

Haruto gave a slight shake of his head to his wife, but she stood up straighter. They were here. They had to ask.

“You know...I think we’re missing someone too.”

The Miyanos perked up. “Is that so?”

Haruto nodded hesitantly. “Yes, we uh...we believe we have a son missing, like Riku.”

Suzume took over. “He and Riku were friends. He looked-”

“Haruto, Suzume,” Daichi interrupted. “You don’t have a son.”

“We think he went missing,” Suzume continued as if she hadn’t heard, “on the same night Riku did. We think he was with him.” She turned to them. “They were friends. Close friends.”

Hanna shook her head. “No. That’s not true.”

“I’m sure you’ve just been so focused on Riku, but there’s our son too,” Suzume insisted. “Riku could be the clue in helping us find him. Maybe they’re together”

Immediately, Suzume knew she had misspoken. Riku wasn’t a tool to find her son, but she had just treated him- a missing teenage boy- as just that...in front of his parents.

“You don’t _have_ a son! So Riku can’t be with him,” Hanna yelled. “Are you suggesting Riku is imaginary too?”

Haruto stood up and Daichi stood with him, giving him a hardened glare.

“I think you two should go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She printed flyers with his drawings. She almost cursed the boy for not being a better artist, but who could blame him. He was a child and he had other talents, she was sure. The messy drawing of a spiky brown hair, blue eyes, a white and black jacket or sweater over red shorts? Yellow shoes, a crown design on his shirt? She wasn’t sure, but it was a distinctive look. Someone had to know.

She wrote down their address and their names and hoped for the best.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Suzume paced around the living room. “You know you feel it too! He's missing! Why can't we remember him?!”

Haruto sighed wearily. The bags under his eyes stood out more and he glanced down the hall at the closed door, “I don't know.”

Suzume slammed her hands against the table, “You know we can't be having the same dream! Can't you feel it?”

“Yes,” he said and took her hands, gently pulling her onto the couch. “I do.”

Suzume looked down the hall at the closed door, feeling tears building at the corners of her eyes. She buried her face into her husband’s neck as he whispered another, “I do” into her hair.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She knew people could be cruel, but Destiny Islands had always felt like a safe place, an accepting place. So when she was at the market and heard one of the vendors whisper, “That’s the woman,” she froze.

_Are they...talking about me?_

She kept looking down at the fruit, inspecting them, making no motion to show she had heard.

“She thinks she has a son.”

Yes, they were definitely talking about her.

And even softer, “She’s going mad. My friend’s known her since she was a child. She and her husband never had children.”

Suzume turned around and met their curious gazes with a serious one of her own. Immediately, both vendors cleared their throats, looking away and straightening up their merchandise. She walked away from the stall, refusing to spare another glance for vendors, but even as she continued down the marketplace, she heard more whispers. The stares seemed to be everywhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Haruto came home from work, his hair starting to grow out again, windswept from his time on the boat.

“How was work?” Suzume asked as she set two places, but stared at the third. They kept it free of papers now, waiting for a return.

Haruto looked away.

“Haruto?”

“It’s nothing.”

Suzume set down the plate and wrapped her arms around her husband from behind. “Tell me.”

He placed his hands over hers. “Some of the guys were asking why I didn’t know about a son.” His voice grew lower with anger, one that Haruto rarely showed. “They were saying maybe I didn’t know for a reason and they asked if I had been away for a long time at some point.”

Suzume blinked for a few seconds.

_Why wouldn’t he…_

And then it processed and her cheeks turned bright red in embarrassment and rage.

“How dare-”

Haruto turned in her embrace to face her, taking her hands and squeezing them gently. “I know.” He kissed them. “I don’t believe that, Suz. I know you’d never do that. They just don’t get it.”

Suzume glared at the floor before pulling away, finishing setting the table.

“They’ll see. When we find him, they’ll eat their words.” She looked up at the drawing they had framed now. “He has your hair and your eyes. I’m sure of it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Weeks had passed since they had first hung the flyers. No one came forward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_No no no!_

Suzume looked in the mirror. Her brown eyes were tired from the sleepless nights and she was still thin, skin still tan from spending so much time in the sun, searching or working. There was one change though: a thin grey streak ran through her hair.

“ _No!”_

Suzume slammed her first against the sink.

“Suzume! Are you alright?” Haruto ran into the bathroom.

She hadn’t realized she had yelled out loud and she almost told her husband it was nothing, but she was already shaking her head, angry tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

Suzume found she couldn’t get the words. The grey streak seemed to taunt her, an irreversible change. She shook her head, but pointed at the offending piece of hair.

Haruto paused, and then laughed. “Suzume, it’s okay. You’re still beautiful. It’s so small.” He walked up to her and gently ran his fingers through the thin streak. “If you hadn’t pointed it out, I may not have even noticed.”

He bent down and kissed her nose. “It’s nothing, my love.”

Suzume shook her head repeatedly. He didn’t get it. She pulled at the grey streak, meeting her eyes in the mirror.

“It’s not about beauty. I’m getting older….” She met Haruto’s gaze. “Time keeps passing and we can’t find him. What if when we find him, he doesn’t recognize us? Or what if we never see him again?”

Haruto kissed her cheek. “We’ll see him again. And when he’s back you and I are going to give him the biggest hug and never let him go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Looks like it’s going to be quite a storm tonight,” Haruto said, sitting on the chair on their front porch. “Best we double down the windows.”

“I’ll get the boards,” Suzume said, looking out at the clouds. A restless feeling built up in her stomach, a feeling of dejavu-

 

_She dreamt of being in the kitchen, cooking some of her famous pineapple pork when she heard the storm clouds rolling in. The thunder crashed in the distance as ominous purple clouds were pushed closer to the islands. Flashes of light. The wind picking up. The smell of dinner being ready and her calling out._

_“----!”_

_No answer._

_“----?”_

_She had rolled her eyes and walked into the room at the end of the hall with the carved crown and found it empty, clothes strewn about. She felt her heart constrict as she called out his name again:_

_“----!  Where are you?”_

_No one answered and she felt her panic building. The storm grew stronger and with it, her fear. It wasn’t safe. It wasn’t safe! Where was he? And as her fear grew, creatures started rising up from the ground with yellow eyes. They twitched in place before advancing._ _  
_ _“----! ----!”_

_They pounced and-._

 

Suzume shot up in bed as a loud peal of thunder boomed through the air. Beside her, Haruto just murmured in his sleep and rolled over.

Suzume slid out of bed, peaking between the boards of the window. She could see bright flashes of lightning every minute or so, illuminating large, dark indigo clouds. Her dream- It had been a storm like this. And those monsters? Suzume swayed as she got a little lightheaded. Those monsters had attacked. What if he had been attacked in a storm like this? What if those things had him?

She slid on her shoes and a jacket before running out the door.

 

She found herself on the beach as the wind threw branches and buffeted the buildings. The air was filled with static and Suzume watched as a bright strike of lightning hit a tree farther on the dormant volcano. She couldn’t see any of the creatures- but she knew. She _knew_ they were there. They had to be.

“GIVE HIM TO ME!” She screamed.

The storm responded with a bright flash of lightning hitting the play island in the distance and an almost immediate boom of thunder. It taunted her.

“WHERE IS HE!?” She ran towards the pier.

The storm raged on the island, thunder shaking the ground around her as the waves swelled. The pier shook with each wave and drenched her in water. Suzume faced the storm, wind and rain whipping her face. “YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM!” She sobbed, standing firm against the gales that threatened to push her back. She yelled and screamed, but her cries drowned in the cacophony of it all. “HE WAS MINE! GIVE HIM BACK! I CARRIED HIM! HE’S MY SON! GIVE HIM BACK!”

The storm did not reply.

 

The sky the next morning was bright and clear, with no indication of the storm that had blown through the night before except for the debris littering the shoreline and town.

Suzume collected the pieces silently, along the house’s porch, ignoring the cuts on her arms from where stray branches had hit her on her walk back as the gales had still raced through the town. She could barely remember the night before- another bad nightmare. She was still outside when Haruto woke up with a “SUZUME?!”

She had barely touched the door to enter the house when the door swung open. Haruto’s eyes were wide with fear and as soon as he laid eyes on his wife, he had his arms thrown around her shoulders, kissing her hair and face.

“Where were you?! I was so worried! I thought- I thought you had gone missing too!”

He saw the cuts on her arms and let out a strangled sound of worry. “You’re hurt!”

Suzume felt numb although his hands were warm against her drenched skin. She gave a half-shrug. Haruto lifted her face to meet his eyes, his bright blue eyes meeting hers.

“What happened?”

The concern in them, the way the light hit them, making them the most brilliant shade of blue- it was all so familiar. Too familiar.  
“I just had to get out…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They were sitting outside, having some fruit on the porch table. It had been a surprisingly relaxing day, considering everything.

“Maybe...Maybe it’s not real.”

Suzume nearly dropped her plate. She must have misheard. There was no way that Haruto was suggesting that. She set the plate down and looked up at him, ice in her heart.

“You don’t mean that.”

Haruto wouldn’t meet her gaze. Instead, his fingers grazed the top of the third place, a wistful look on his face.

“Maybe it’s all in our heads...he was never here.”

“Don’t say that!” Suzume yelled.

Haruto tensed, fidgeting in place for a few seconds, before he looked up. “It’s been three months. We have to stop. I don’t remember. You don’t remember.”

“I see him in my dreams!”

“Who?”

“ _Him_!”

“That’s not an answer, Suzume. They’re just dreams.” His voice was tired. “Just dreams.”

“You haven’t lived them. They’re real. They’re memories,” her voice sounded desperate to her ears. “If you had them, you’d know-”

“I don’t, Suzume. Because they’re not real. There’s no one coming, Suzume. It’s time to let this go.”

With what seemed like great difficulty, he picked up the extra plate.

Suzume ran over and snatched it from his hands, growling, “You don’t touch that!” She placed it back down, standing over the place protectively, and glared at her husband. “I’ll wait and search for him forever if I have to. I thought you believed.”

Haruto’s face was filled with pain and he looked away, head bowed. “I thought I did too, but...I’m sorry.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She had trusted him. Suzume had trusted him to help her, but now Haruto insisted it was all in her head. It wasn’t. It couldn’t be. There were so many clues and inconsistencies and she couldn’t give up. She _couldn’t._

She pulled out a piece of paper and grabbed a pencil.

_Dear-_

What was his name? She didn’t know...But there was so much she wanted to tell him. She focused hard before she let her pencil touch paper again.

_Dear Caelum,_

_We’ve been waiting for you for months. Your room feels so empty and we miss you. I tried talking to Kairi and to Riku’s family but no one knows who you are. I know you care for them so I’m sure they’ll remember you soon. I’m sorry to say your father has lost hope, but I won’t. I promise we’re going to find you. He’ll remember you soon enough. I won’t give up on you._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Dear Akio,_

_Today I made pineapple pulled pork. I see it a lot in our old notebooks so I wonder if you liked it. Your seat at the table is waiting for you. I can’t wait until you come back._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Dear Awry,_

_There was another rainstorm today. It was calming, although I can’t help but think of your absence when the rain hits the roof. It’s been nearly five months since we noticed your door; time keeps flying. I tried looking at the photographs with you in them again, but it’s all a swirl. I know I’ll see your face soon. Please come home._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzume awoke in the middle of the night, her dreams already fading towards the back of her head. She stood up and dragged herself to the bathroom. She opened the door to the room again and suddenly noticed what had changed- Haruto was not in bed.

Immediately, she felt more alert, her heart beating quickly. There was no storm, no anything, but her husband was gone.

“H-Haruto,” she whispered.

No response.

But then, she noticed a little light underneath the door leading to the main area of the house, a rustling of papers. Suzume quietly opened the door, avoiding the creaky area of the house.

As she approached the end of the hallway, she saw Haruto’s figure kneeling on the ground, hunched over bunches of paper and notebooks.

“Take the boys to the island?” Haruto murmured to himself.

Though his voice was quiet, Suzume could hear him clearly. She watched as he reached for another notebook and flipped through the pages: an agenda. He backtracked only for a second and stopped. She couldn’t see what he had seen, but she heard the next words clear as day.

“Where are you?”

Her husband’s voice was laced with unshed tears and confusion.

“Haruto?” She finally called out

Haruto was on his feet immediately, his blue eyes wide. “Suz, what are you-”

She approached him and looked at the papers around him. Right where Haruto was seated was a notebook she hadn’t seen before. She leaned down and picked it up, ignoring Haruto’s protests. It was full of months of notes, questions, attempted drawings of a boy with different combinations of his and Suzume’s features.

She looked up at him in shock.

“You told me you didn’t believe.”

Haruto’s shoulders slumped and he looked away.

“You,” Suzume repeated, tears starting to bubble to the surface, “told me we didn’t have a son.”

“I lied,” Haruto said. “I believe.”

“Then why.”

Haruto looked up at her and shook his head. “People were saying cruel things...and you were nearly getting in trouble. You went out into a _storm_ for god’s sake.” He touched her face. “I couldn’t lose you too. I thought you may let it go and stop putting yourself in danger.”

Suzume reached over and took his hand. “When was the last time you slept the whole night?”

Haruto’s mirthless laugh was his only answer.

She kissed his hand. “No more secrets, Haruto. We find him together.”

He looked up at her with an open expression, one that slowly turned into a smile. Suzume let out a laugh- an actual laugh- as he spun her around.

“Yes together.”

They were a team again.

They both sat on the floor and started sifting through the papers again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You’d think I’d have written down his birthday,” Suzume muttered to herself, perched on the edge of the couch.

Haruto was half-upside down, falling off the loveseat. How he still got in that position at their age, she had no idea and she was tempted to shake the seat a bit to get a reaction out of him. She couldn’t help the small smile that graced her lips as she watched him.

“Well, to be fair,” he said, “you didn’t know you’d be such a forgetful person. You’re lucky I have a flawless memory.”

Suzume snorted and crumpled up a blank sheet of paper, tossing it at Haruto’s head. “Shut up and keep searching.”

“Birthday party on March 21st 10 years ago.”

Suzume pulled out another agenda and searched around March and cheered. “Birthday party on March 30th 7 years ago!”

Haruto slid out of the chair and shuffled through many papers until he found another notebook. He flipped and flipped and-

“March 25th 13 years ago!”

Suzume couldn’t stop the grin that split across her face. “So end of March.”

Haruto nodded. “It seems our son keeps changing birthdays.” He looked up. “Sure you didn’t give birth to a time-traveler?”

Suzume let out a loud laugh. Haruto soon followed. Their laughter filled the house and the world seemed a little brighter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Dear Mazin,_

_Your father never stopped believing in you. I didn’t know, but he still believed in you. We’re working together. Don’t worry, my little one. We’ll find you. Don’t lose hope._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I bet he likes to cook,” Suzume said.

Haruto snorted, pulling Suzume closer to him in bed.

“He better like to cook. He’s going to need to make us the biggest damn ‘I’m home’ meal when he returns.”

She laughed before she kissed his arm.

“Well what do you think?”

“I bet he liked to fish?”

This time Suzume choked back a laugh. “Fish? Really?”

“I like to fish!”

Suzume grinned. “Well he must be identical then.”

“Keep your jokes to yourself,” Haruto said, but Suzume could hear the smile in his voice and he kissed the top of her head.

“I think he liked swords.”

“He sure drew them a lot.”

“And he liked boats,” Suzume added.

Haruto nodded. “Yes, I took him out sailing I think. And he’s got little boats all over his room. Although those are the most common little toys.” He paused and then in a faux-concerned voice said, “Suzume! What if our son doesn’t like boats? What if he just has a lot of boats because he’s bad at saving money and keeps buying them!”

Suzume laughed again. “Wouldn’t we be buying the toys for him?”

Haruto said in a grave voice. “Yes. It’s clear he inherited my bad habits.”

Suzume playfully kicked his feet beneath the sheets. “You’re ridiculous.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Suzume! You’ve got to see this!”

Suzume put down the cutlery she was carving for a customer and raced over to where Haruto’s voice was. He was standing outside the bathroom near their son’s room, a big grin on his face.

“What is it?”

“So I was trying to fix the light and a little screw fell and-” He motioned to the wall. “Well, look.”

Suzume approached the area, looking closely. There were a few marks, some chips, but-

_No, they aren’t random._

They were all in a line and as she brought her face closer, she could writing beside the ticks.

“Age two,” she read out loud. “Age five.” Her throat got tight as she followed the lines up until she got to the last one “Age fourteen.”

She turned to look at Haruto, her eyes misty. Haruto had a tear running down his cheek, but his smile was wide.

“Do you see? Fourteen.” Haruto stood next to the wall where the mark was. It probably reached about his shoulder. “He grew so much and he’s still so small.”

Suzume ran her fingers down the measurements, another testament to their belief, another reason to keep searching.

“He still has time to grow.” Suzume said, laughing. “He still has time.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I hope he has your smile,” Haruto said softly, his hand running through her hair. “You’ve got a great smile.”

Suzume smiled, “Well I hope he’s as funny as you are. I hope he always knows how to laugh.”

“I hope he’s brave like you.” Haruto held her close. “You were always the braver of us.”

She wasn’t sure if she agreed, but she took the compliment. She thought of Haruto’s loyalty, his kindness, his willingness to help others. “I hope he has your heart.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They had collected a few different records: a broken arm from 4 years before. They couldn’t tell how it happened, but they had the doctor’s note. They found a report card with grades, not the highest grades, but there were comments about him being kind with other kids, of standing up for those who were being bullied. There was a family day penciled in for every day in October- they didn’t know why that month, but there was. Though they didn’t remember their dreams when they woke up, they felt _real._ Slowly, their son was coming together. He was more than just an empty room in a house, a blank space in a photograph, a name at the tip of their tongue. There was substance.

Now if only they could _remember_ him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Dear Ranos,_

_It's the beginning of March now. We know your birthday is coming up sometime this month. Your father and I have been working hard. I know the three of us worked to build you a rowboat. We found the plans in one of our notebooks and a sketch in your room. We haven’t found it yet; maybe you’re off sailing the world._

_We don’t know why we don't remember you. Why are you missing? I know that your father and I would’ve raised you to keep in touch if you were going to be away. You would have never just left. Are you in trouble? Is someone keeping you from us? And why doesn’t anyone remember you?_

_Sometimes, we can’t help but wonder if our friends and neighbors are in on some secret keeping you from us. It’s like you never existed. Maybe they don’t remember. Could there be some sort of poison in the food or water? Why can’t we remember you? These are our friends. They would never do anything like this. I hate thinking like this. Your father does too. But we don’t know how to explain it._

_The doctors are saying they can provide medicine to stop the hallucinations and dreams of you. But they’re not delusions and they’re not just dreams. I know they’re memories. We won’t take them, my child. I promise you. We’re waiting for you. We’re not giving up._

_Please, just come back._

_Sincerely,_

_Your mother_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Suzume woke up with a spark of joy. She didn’t know why but she raced towards the living room. She spun around, trying to find what she was looking for-

What _was_ she looking for?

She couldn’t remember. And as that absence settled, that spark of joy slowly fizzled out. The rest of the day was a hazy blur, a headache, an ache she couldn’t place. Could it be tied to him?

In the late afternoon, someone opened the door. She could just make out his brown hair and brown eyes.

Suzume smiled and without thinking, called out a, “Happy Birthday!”

She paused, shocked. She had said it without thinking, like her body had been waiting all day.

It was Haruto at the door, frozen, a wary expression on his face- but one that slowly turned to a relieved smile.

It wasn’t Haruto’s birthday. There was no reason why she would yell that today, but she had seen his hair and eyes and they were both running to the calendar. March 28th.

“End of March,” she said softly.

Haruto was smiling. “It’s his birthday.” He grabbed Suzume and picked her up laughing, “It’s his birthday!”

They were out the door in an instant, racing to the bakery, hoping that there would still be something. They took their bikes, riding through the streets, grinning like they hadn’t in a while. It was his birthday. Today, years ago, she had given birth to a son who she loved so much, it hurt and though she couldn’t remember him clearly, he refused to leave her heart. She could almost hear him laughing, she could imagine the house filled with balloons and presents, and friends- she had no doubt he had many friends.

They returned thirty minutes later with a small fruit cake. They placed a candle in the cake and sang to him (only pausing slightly when they got to his name- adding in another happy birthday instead).

“Happy birthday, son,” Haruto said under his breath, staring at the cake as if maybe it’d turn into the boy.

“Happy 15th birthday,” she said.

Suzume took his hand and together, they closed their eyes.

_Let him come home_ , she wished.

And together they blew out the candle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Dear son,_

_Your mother mentioned she’s been writing you letters. She’s got stacks of them just waiting in a box for you, but she says it helps so I figured why not let your pop write you one too._

_It could work, right?_

_Once we remember you and you come home, I’m sure we’ll laugh about it. I’ve never been too good at writing everything out. But I’ve seen your grades. Seems like you aren’t great at it either so, sorry about that. Guess you got it from me._

_It’s been 9 months since your mother and I found your room. You’re 15 now I guess...We figured out your birthday was March 28th! Your mom already told you probably but...well, doesn’t matter. You’re 15 so you deserve the truth. It’s been hard without you here. We miss you so much._

_I know you’d never put us through this. It seems we raised you right. I don’t see anything that says otherwise. And you loved us. I mean what teenager keeps photos of their parents in their room and draws them and hangs the drawings on their wall. That’s not a criticism. I love that about you. I don’t remember you, but there’s an honesty in the things you care about. Don’t ever lose that, son._

_I know something is keeping you from coming home and contacting us. I promise, no matter what it is, we’ll figure it out. If someone hurt you, we will protect you. You are our son and I promise, you can always count on me._

_I can’t wait until you get home. You better give your mother the biggest hug when you open that door. And me too. Don’t forget me. Now that you’re gone and I can’t remember you, I wonder if I told you I was proud of you as much as I should have. I wonder if I told you how happy I am to be your father. The more we explore the life we led, the more I’m so happy you are you. I am so proud to be your father._

_You were only 14 last time we saw you, but when you return, I’ll tell you all about our family and our life. We can plan to go to another island and spend the night talking, fishing, swimming. You can tell me about your adventures or anything you’d like._

_I love you, son._

_Sincerely,_

_Your father_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The town hadn’t been as welcoming since everything had started and the fact both she and Haruto kept searching didn’t earn them any favors, but they tried to do their best to be a part of life around town. They’d go to music concerts, explore the islands, fish, sell, work, do everything they needed to. They didn’t want their son to come back and find that their parents had done nothing but stay home all day while he was gone. Suzume knew _she_ would’ve hated if someone put their life on pause for her. So they tried to keep living life.

That’s how they found themselves at the art gallery that rainy Saturday. There was a special exhibit where the children of the town had been encouraged to go out and paint scenes of Destiny Islands. Many had chosen locations around town, some had painted a new play island that this generation of youngsters would play in, and others had drawn local items, fauna, and flora. The little artists sat beside their drawings and paintings so people could congratulate them on their art and ask them questions.

They had spent about an hour there exploring when some of the local officers entered.

“Everyone, it looks like there’s a large storm brewing again. We recommend people start heading home or hunker down here.”

Suzume sighed. “Ah well, not all good things last. What can you expect from hurricane season.”

Haruto looked out, frowning. “They always exaggerate. I’ve seen dozens of storms. It doesn’t seem too bad.” He looked down one last hallway. “I’m going to check out the last few. Want to come?”

Suzume nodded.

As they came upon the last drawings, Suzume focused on the details, thinking about her son’s drawings as well. Had they shown his art at a town event like this? She passed a drawing of the volcano, one of tropical birds, one of a boat on an island, another of the mask that hung in Town Hall-

“Suzume, look.”

Suzume turned to find Haruto looking at the third drawing she had walked past- the boat on the island- intently.

“What’s wrong?”

He pointed and Suzume approached. It was a nice little wooden row boat anchored at a pier. She could see the dock,half the boat, and the blue waves. What was Haruto pointing- And then she saw it.

A crown, identical to the one on the door of their son’s room.

Suzume gripped Haruto’s arm, not daring to hope that it was the missing rowboat.

“Where did you paint this?” she asked the child who looked to be ten in a quiet voice.

“The play island to the south west of the town. That big one with the treehouse and the shack. My brother took me there.”

“Whose boat is it?”

The child shrugged. “I ‘unno. My brother says it’s been there for a bit. He and the others don’t touch it.”

Haruto and Suzume met each other’s gaze, thanking the child, and moving off to the side.

“It’s his,” Haruto said in a hushed yet excited tone. “It’s his boat, Suzume. A real clue. Let’s go.”

Suzume looked out the window at the darkening sky. She thought of the night when Riku had gone missing, when the purple storm had struck the island and so many of the locals had lost their memories, thought of nightmares she’d had of the storm with figures rising up. She remembered how frightened Haruto had been after she had gone out in the storm; she could’ve been injured. No, they needed to be okay for him.

“Tomorrow. Let’s go tomorrow. That storm is going to be bad.”

“But-”

“Haruto,” Suzume said. “We should go home. We can check on it in the morning. There have been dozens of storms. It’ll be there.”

Haruto looked out the window with a frown before he led her out the door. “Tomorrow.”

  


Haruto looked at his sleeping wife, looking peaceful for once. She was probably dreaming of their son like they both did nearly every night.

_Good. Better for her to have good dreams._

Haruto was restless. He pushed open the window. The storm had not been as strong as the officers had said. Though the sky was still dark and it was windy, there was hardly any rain and the waves were only moderately choppy. Haruto had been fishing since he was a child and he knew how to read the sky and the sea like his favorite custard recipe; it wasn’t that bad. It was fine. Sure, a little rougher seas than usual, but-

He thought of his son.

_I have to get out there._

The longer he waited, the more of a chance the boat’s tether would rip, leaving his only clue adrift in the sea.

_No! I won’t let that happen._

It was crucial he get out there. Besides, what if he was out there? What if his son was on that island he had always drawn? They had gone to the island and checked the small shack and the treehouse, but they had been empty. But this was a children’s play island; there were always secret nooks and crannies. What if he was _there?_ What if there was something he had missed?

Haruto paced in place.

_I promised her we’d go tomorrow._

Well, technically, it was tomorrow. And what better gift than to have news for her when she woke up. Or better yet, their son?

Haruto closed the window, pulled on a shirt, and left a small note for his wife, signed with a little paopu. He kissed the top of her head.

_Next time you see me, I’ll have our son._

Just a few minutes later, he was on a rowboat, headed out. He had been tempted to bring a bigger boat but the shallows around the play islands made it hard to bring one of the bigger ones and managing a large boat with only one person didn’t seem wise in this weather. No, the rowboat would do.

There was a gust of wind and the dark night lit up with lightning.

Haruto’s mouth dropped open slightly.

_The storm…_

No, no time. He had to make it. He kept rowing, even as the seas got choppier. The storm rolled in like a rushing wave, quicker than expected, covering everything. Before he could even process it, the winds were whipping around his face, causing the waves to rise to larger and larger heights.

He could see the play island and on the pier, the little boat- His boat!

Haruto growled and rowed harder.

“You can’t stop me! I’m going to find him!” he called out. He thought of his son, “I’m coming for you!”

Another flash of lightning illuminated his son’s boat which was rocking dangerously by the pier.

_It’s going to snap!_

It was a momentary distraction but just long enough for his grip on his own rows to loosen. They started sliding off into the turbulent waves.

“No!”

He lunged for them, but the sudden movement and the waves tipped the boat.

There was water all around. His body was pulled lower and lower. A riptide! He fought.

_Swim sideways!_

But he didn’t know where was sideways! The sky was too dark. Everything was too dark! There was a flash of light to his side.

_Lightning!_

He tried pushing towards the surface, towards the muffled boom, but wave after wave buffeted him down. He thought he had almost breached the surface but a wave slammed against him, making him gasp a stream of bubbles. His air! He needed that! He needed to get to the surface! Suzume. He needed to find their son. He needed-

He needed to breathe.

_I need to find him. I need to find my son._

His mouth opened and he swallowed sea water. He clawed for the surface. For the sky. For the-

_Sora?...._

His eyes fluttered closed and the waves dragged him down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing.

She’d never thought she’d want to feel _nothing._ But as she watched Haruto’s body be slowly lowered into the new hole in her garden, it was all she wanted. She could feel Oline’s hand in hers, vaguely hear the voice of the local rites master talking about her husband’s bravery, his loyalty.

_You were supposed to wait until morning. You were supposed to wait for me…_

She could feel the house at her back, looming, full of room. Empty spaces in her memory where her son should be. Empty spaces in the home where her husband should be. Silence where their laughter should ring. She could see two figures: the brown hair and blue eyes out ot the corner of her eye, but when she turned, there was no one there.

She was all alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Suzume stumbled upon the notebooks the next morning. She managed to open one, but her eyes saw his handwriting and the next moment, she was falling to the couch, sobbing.

_Why didn’t you wait for me?_

If they hadn’t been searching, this wouldn’t have happened. If she had just listened to everyone that this was all in her head, Haruto, her Haruto who had stood by her side and loved her and had been _there_ and alive wouldn’t be dead in her garden. Drowned at sea trying to chase a- a-...hallucination. Again, out of the corner of her awareness, she was aware of a shorter figure, a young one. She couldn’t make out his features or his voice, but she knew he was mouthing ‘mom.’

_No!_

Suzume grabbed the notebooks and stormed towards the end of the hallway towards the room with the crown on it.

_No more._

She threw the books in, one by one, yelling with each toss, before she slammed the door and locked it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Every time she thought it was done, she’d feel the absence of the memories. The desire for a cake she knew she had made once, though she couldn’t remember for what ( for him- _No. Stop that_ ) or would feel the presence again. She couldn’t take it. She couldn’t.

She found the pills the doctors had prescribed long ago. The doctor had promised it would stop the memories, dull the pain.

Suzume opened the lid and took two.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She felt a little drowsy and numb, but the doctor had been right: the pills stopped the presence. No brown hair or blue eyes. No emptiness in the corner of her eye.

_It worked._

At least, so she thought.

But come nighttime, she dreamt of bandaging up skinned knees and kissing small noses, and helping build forts under a starry sky.

And when she woke up, the memories had faded, but the emptiness had grown.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She dreamt of Haruto singing a sea shanty, a little figure curled up in his arms. Haruto’s hair was a little wilder like he used to have it when he was younger and it almost blended into the child’s equally brown hair. She could barely hear the toddler muttering along sleepily.

Suzume opened her eyes, a soft smile on her face. She couldn’t remember much, but she remembered Haruto and the singing. She turned.

“Haruto, you used to sing to him sometimes.”

He didn’t answer.

“Haruto, did you hear me?” She reached over to wake him, but the other side of the bed was still made.

Suzume’s eyes watered and she turned to her side and curled up in a ball.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After some time, the pills stopped working. It was like a fist pressed against her heart, crushing it against her ribcage. She’d hear echoes of laughter in the room, feel a good night kiss on her cheek as she closed her eyes.

One day, she swore she heard an “I’ll race you, Riku!” outside the window and she ran outside, but the yard was empty except for the small patch of flowers planted over Haruto.

_Just leave me alone…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“It’s chilly, isn’t it?” Oline said, handing her a cup of steaming tea.

Suzume nodded at her friend, shivering slightly.

“Got any blankets?”

Suzume took a sip, curling up on the side of the couch, looking out the window. “Yes, the closet on the right.”

She heard Oline’s bare feet pad along the hardwood floor and the door to the closet open. There was the sound of rustling for a few seconds, a little cursing as she probably sifted through the sheets and towels Suzume kept stacked high. Finally, the footsteps grew louder.

“We’re not built for this, Zume. Tell the sun to come back,” Oline said jokingly, tossing her a thicker blanket Suzume hadn’t seen in years.

Suzume pulled it up to her chin, pressing her face to it to warm her cheeks, and suddenly, there was a familiar smell. She couldn’t explain it. It should’ve smelled of her laundry, but this smelled...different, yet familiar. She couldn’t place where she knew it from.

Out of the corner of her eye, she felt the figure’s presence. Suzume closed her eyes to hide the tears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_“He exists,” Haruto whispered to her. “He’s real.”_

_“Haruto, just stop,” Suzume begged. “Please. I’m tired.”_

_“Mom,” another voice called out. “Mom?”_

Suzume stumbled back, nearly dropping the pan she was cooking with. What had happened? She had been standing about to make an egg and everything had gone white. She had been surrounded by her family, but now, she was alone again.

Suzume tossed the pan onto the table and sat down, head in her hands.

She couldn’t sleep without dreaming of them, couldn’t walk around town without feeling their presence, now she couldn’t even cook?

_Please, leave me alone. Or let me see you. Don’t just stay away._

Suzume let out a loud sob that shook the house.

 

_I can’t do this...I can’t do this anymore._

Suzume sat in the pool of water below the waterfall on the play island, staring at the little bottle in her hand. It was only right. She had no husband, no one believed her about the things she kept feeling. There was no peace anywhere anymore.

Suzume held the bottle closely.

_I just miss him. I want to see him again._

Her friends, her neighbors- a distance had been formed with them from that first time she had found that cursed door eleven months before. She had fought. She had fought so hard to keep going, but every place was a reminder of a life she couldn’t go back to. He was dead. Haruto was dead and if she’d had a son, he was dead too.

_It’s only right it’s here._

Here, on the island her husband had been trying to reach. Here, on the island where a small raft taunted her, rocking in the soft sunset waves. Here where she had lost her son forever.

Suzume looked down at her hand at the mixture of her medicine, berries, and herbs she’d always been told to avoid around the island. It would be quick, right? It was just like drinking a bitter glass of juice and then an eternal rest from this mess she lived in. And if that didn’t end it, her sleeping form would sink into the water.

_I’ll see them again. I won’t feel this lonely and lost anymore._

She pressed the bottle to her lips, the smell itself making her head spin.

_Drink it. Just drink it._

_“Mom?”_

The drink tickled Suzume’s lips, but she didn’t open them.

She could feel the figure somewhere behind her. They were silent, but she could feel the worry, the gaze of it all.

_Why won’t you leave me alone?_

Suzume’s eyes stung.

_“Mommy?” a younger voice called. She couldn’t remember it; it shifted from tone to tone, foggy._

Suzume gasped, pulling herself out of the water and onto the ground. She let out a loud yell, slamming her fist against the ground over and over again, the vial clutched tightly in her hand, sand sticking to her arms and legs. Tears streamed down her face as her body shook with sob after sob.

_I can’t do it. I can’t._

What if she was wrong? What if he was alive? She wanted to rip the hope that fluttered weakly in her chest out of her heart, to throw it, and drown it in the waterfall. To give her some sort of peace.

But she couldn’t.

What if her son was alive and he came home to find himself an orphan? Suzume couldn’t do that to him- she _wouldn’t_ do that to him. She’d keep searching. She’d always search, even if it meant dying a widow or alone in the future. She had to take the chance.

Haruto had done everything in his power to find their son. She wouldn’t let his sacrifice be in vain.

Suzume looked down at the bottle promising peace and rest, a chance to see Haruto again- and she dumped it onto the sand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Dear…..Dear…._

_I don’t remember your name. I can’t even address this letter to you. I want to apologize. I’m so sorry, my son. I’m so sorry. I almost gave up. This house has been so empty without you and ever since your father died, it’s been impossible to feel anything. I just feel this absence and emptiness, like someone took vial of ink and just tossed it over every piece that was you._

_You don’t know how hard it’s been without you. Everywhere I go, people give me looks and I don’t know if they pity me or mock me. They won’t let me near your old school and I was fined for trying to get into the doctor’s office to see if they had your records. Even Oline keeps saying it’s all in my head. But you’re not in my head, right? You’re real. And that’s the hard thing. If I could believe you were fake, it’d be easier. But I feel you in my heart and it hurts like nothing has ever hurt before..._

_And I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t and I went to the island. I just wanted to be with you and your father again and I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I couldn’t do it. And I don’t know if that’s brave or stupid because I don’t even know if you’re alive. What if you’re gone and you and your father are waiting for me and instead I’m here, waiting for you to come home?_

_I don’t know if I should apologize for not giving up or for throwing away that chance to be with you two. I don’t know anything, but I thought I heard your voice. I can’t remember it, but I thought I did. I just I want to be someone you can be proud of. Your father fought to find you. Every night he stayed up working and I did too until the storm took him. But I’ll start again. The thoughts are still there. Sometimes, I don’t want to wake up. I go to sleep hoping I’ll die in my sleep so at least I can stay in those memories of you that fade when I open my eyes. But I won’t._

_I promise. I’ll keep working to find you. Please forgive me for my weakness. I know you might not, but please, I love you. I’ll find you, my little one. I’ll find you even if it takes my whole life._

_Your mother_

 

She stared at the letter held in her quaking hands.

_I can’t send this._

She let go of the letter, leaving it by the window so the wind would take it away, and rushed to find some tissue.

When Suzume returned, the letter was gone, taken far, hopefully to sink and dissolve in the ocean. She didn’t notice the small corner sticking out beneath the couch. Another gust of wind pushed the last visible corner underneath the sofa.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_I promised._

Suzume took a shaky breath, missing the lock with the key a few times, before finally managing to get it in and turn the lock. The room looked the same as it had months before, but now, the notebooks she had tossed into the room a month ago were scattered across the floor.

Suzume tiptoed into the room, keeping her voice low in the cozy shrine, and picked up each notebook gingerly. She cradled them in her arms and laid them out across the single bed. Haruto’s handwriting stared back at her, but she wouldn’t let that stop her.

They’d solve this together. His notes, her mind, and her son’s reminders all around her.

_Back to square one._

She didn’t even realize when she started sleeping in the little room more and more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She didn’t know what she expected to find. It was the same information over and over again. The drawings didn’t show anything new. Every time she thought she’d made progress, she ended up back at the same dilemma: no new leads. How could there be leads if no one remembered him.

Suzume’s head was pounding. She had been staring at the papers all day. Maybe she needed a break…

A knock at the door shook her out of her thoughts and Suzume raised her head.

No one really came to visit, not anymore.

“Hello?” Suzume said.

“Mrs. Irino!” A feminine voice huffed out, “Please, it’s me! Kairi.”

_Kairi!_

Suzume shot out of her seat. She couldn’t scare her off. She couldn’t. This was a chance to finally talk to one of her son’s friends, even if she didn’t remember it.

She opened the door. “Kairi, come in.”

Kairi was bent over, out of breath. Had she come running all the way to the house?

“Let me get you a glass of water-”

“I believe you,” She said.

Suzume froze and stared at the red-headed girl.

“What?”

“Sora,” Kairi breathed, before she repeated the name, voice turning watery. “His name’s Sora.”

She finally looked up at the woman, her blue eyes filled with tears, a smile on her face. She straightened up.

_Sora…_

Immediately, it was like a fog had been lifted. His face came into view, no longer blurry. She could see his tan skin like hers, Haruto’s eyes, those untameable spikes of hair. The little scar on his finger from when he had tried to befriend a crab at age six. She remembered his laugh, how he stuck his tongue out as a child when concentrating on homework, the argument they’d had once about a curfew for being out on the island.  She knew if she looked at the photographs around the house, she’d finally see the missing figure in them; she’d finally be able to read the names on the bottom of the drawings.

“Sora….” She repeated.

For a second, she wanted to be angry at the girl who had remembered her son before she had. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t. He had a face and a voice and a smile and her memories shone in her mind, like a tether to her heart thanks to the girl.  
Suzume wrapped Kairi in a tight hug, crying into her shoulder.

“Thank you…Thank you…” she cried.

Kairi hugged her back. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t remember before. I’m so sorry.”

“Is he-?” Suzume hesitated to ask. She had already lost her husband; she couldn’t bear if he-

“He’s alive,” Kairi whispered, her own voice watery. “He’s okay.”

Suzume’s cries got louder.

He wasn’t all in her head. He was real.

_Haruto, he’s alive._ She thought. _Sora, I’ll wait for you. I’m here._

 

_Epilogue_

 

She was carving a new figure outside on the porch, watching the sun set over the horizon. Ever since the town had gotten their memories back, she had received more customer requests, possibly out of pity, but she wasn’t going to complain. Business was business and it kept her busy while she waited and so she could have a clear mind when she kept trying to figure out where Sora was. And now Kairi too. And Riku had never come home.

There had been apologies. New flowers were planted over Haruto’s grave; there was even talk of naming a street after him. The three sets of parents got together often over a cup of tea or rum to console each other. She wasn’t as alone anymore…

Suzume raised her head to look at the horizon again and noticed a small light moving from...the play island?

Suzume dropped her knife.

_It can’t be…._

It could be anyone. It could’ve been anyone. She couldn’t think it was him.

But she was already hopping onto her bike, racing down the roads. As she zoomed past the Miyano’s house, she yelled out a “Hanna!”

She didn’t hear their response, but hoped they’d notice it too, hoped she wasn’t giving them false hope. She was almost at the edge of the water, just a couple of blocks more.

The light was docked and she could just make the shapes of people getting off a boat, one little rowboat. One had spiky hair.

“Sora!” She called out, jumping off her bike.

The figure turned around.

“Mom?” a familiar voice called.

Suzume let out a mix between a laugh and a sob and she surged forward. Sora did as well. Her arms wrapped around her son, now almost as tall as her. She wanted to tell him how much she’d missed him, but she could only cry, lifting his chin, holding his cheeks and pressing kisses to his forehead, cheeks, his hair.

She could hear the Miyanos’ and Uchidas’ screams of joy as well as Riku and Kairi were embraced with the same amount of love by their own families.

Sora let out a loud laugh and she wished she could’ve had the laugh playing in the background forever. She met his eyes, beautiful blue eyes like her Haruto; they were filled with tears too, streaming down his cheeks. He had grown taller, his laugh a little deeper, but his smile was the same goofy one, the sincerity in it unchanged.

“I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered.

Sora’s lower lip wobbled slightly as he tried to keep a smiling face, but he buried his face in her shoulder again and held her even tighter. She’d tell him about his father another day, another time when the joy wasn’t as palpable as it was today, not with this little miracle that he was alive and safe and back in her arms.

“I’m home,” Sora muttered, shoulders shaking.

Suzume kissed the top of her son’s head, “Welcome home.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! I know it was very angsty and a difficult, saddening read at times, but I wanted to really focus on Sora's parents for once and their hardships. I had fun building the world of Destiny Islands and I referenced little headcanons I have such as each generation of children getting their own play island (which would explain why the trio's island is usually empty except for Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie).  
> Although killing off Sora's dad was not fun to say the least, I thought it was most fitting for the story.  
> I'm hoping to write some more of the trio's parents, the Destiny trio, and more about the islands so keep your eyes open. Thank you again for reading!


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